jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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