She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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