Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
