Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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