It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
