alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Holy shit dude........stairs
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
