My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
