is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
