At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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