Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
