All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
