Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
