You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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