I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
