I cut my penus on the lid.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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