So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize