the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
