I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
