On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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