just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
