Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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