1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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