if only i could text you this smell
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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