Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
