Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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