god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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