I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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