my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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