My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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