And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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