I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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