you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
BRING THE BAGELS
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
