I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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