her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize