My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
