only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
