I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
