I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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