she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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