I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
