but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize