People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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