tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
