My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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