i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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