He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
