WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
