I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
