I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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