He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
