after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
