If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
