i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize