Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
