Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
