so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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