party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
