Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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