dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
