I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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