Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
