PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
