On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
