U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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