so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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