I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
