Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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