All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
