you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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