He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
