im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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