I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
this hospital has no fireball
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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