What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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