Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize