in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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