Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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