This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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