i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
