Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
NoShamevember. You game?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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