So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
