Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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