I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
