The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
