So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
