First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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