We got so high we made milksteak
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
how drunk are you?
Several
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
