morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
