I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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