Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
