Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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