I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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