I want to make a zoo with you.
Your dad touched me again.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
