She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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