I seem to have left my pride at pride
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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