my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
