This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
