tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
