and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
