shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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