It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
