Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
