After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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